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June 16, 2018

7

Leave Your Autism outside!

by Yasmiera

This is the last words I heard from my father.

I grew up the adopted child of parents in an upper middle class suburban neighborhood in Northern Virginia.

Raised strictly Christian, non-denominational. Not allowed to listen to secular music, associate with people who were not on the “approved” list. Or do activities that were not pre-approved or pre-planned.

My parents now married over 55 years, never argued one time in front of us. They did not curse, yell, drink, or smoke. They treated each other with respect.

I was ill prepared for real life to say the least. Because in reality this was not their true relationship. No one has it that perfect. If they do, they must be dead or bored.

My Dad and I were never very close but also not distant. My Mom and I have become closer over the years.

When I last spoke to them standing looking at my Dad as he said those words to me and then laughed at me. I asked him not to laugh. He told me I have made a lifetime of poor choices, and then laughed again.

Summing this up, I told my Mom I loved her and I would stay in touch with her. She looked so flabbergasted at my Dad as I walked out. A look I don’t think I have ever seen on her face.

Two of my three children have now graduated college. And if my 3rd one wants to go to college he can and if he doesn’t he doesn’t have to. He graduated high school and has his own place. My kids are doing okay and they turned out okay they’re decent human beings and my grandkids are beautiful.

So Dad I can no more leave my autism outside your door then you can leave your Diabetes outside my door when you come to my house.

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7 Comments Post a comment
  1. Craig Brown
    Jun 16 2018

    I am speechless.
    About this.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Jun 16 2018

      I was speechless. I wish I had the worfs at that time to say to him about the comparison of leaving his Diabetes outside. But I am thankful for people in my life like my cousin Sharon, who has an adult son who also is Autistic and she is the one who was able to give me that peace and those words. Nrw perspective.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
      • Craig Brown
        Jun 18 2018

        Thanks Sharon, great in site.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Jul 7 2018

    I’m so sorry you had to experience that.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Jul 8 2018

      While traumatic at the time, it was a growing experience. I got to see my father at shall we say, “not his shining moment” and also got to see my mother in a new role, providing support to me against my father’s judgement which she had never done before. So this was entirely a new experience and while painful, one thing in life I have learned is that every experience I have gone through has always taught me a lesson of some sort and I have always grown stronger and smarter from that lesson. So now I have learned that my father has more than one side to him, he has since apologized, which took him two attempts, the first was way too arrogant to be an apology and the second one managed to scrape by as an apology barely but I accepted it. The relationship is strained still and is likely to remain this way for a while and I have set ground rules. 1. You are not allowed to discuss my life decisions (they are mine to make, not yours) 2. You are not allowed to give your opinion about my past life and my current life choices regarding relationships and 3. When I am at your house I am never to be left alone with my father (told this to my mother when she asked me to come over just the other day) I have yet to go, she has to consider my terms yet I guess. LOL But I am going to stick to my terms. These are NON NEGOTIABLE. I love my parents, I love my terms. I am stronger

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

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